It's NOT Greasy! A Sleep Deprived Fanfiction
by Jamie-Spelled-Weird
Summary: The marauders were making fun of Snape's greasy hair when Lily tells them that they have no proof that it's greasy. In fact, it's rather soft. So of course they must feel his hair to see if it's true. Fun ensues. Purely fun with no seriousness involved


A/N- This idea just popped into my head and I was like: I have to write this down!! So yeah here it is.

Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to admit, I do not own these wonderful characters that we all know and love… : (

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"I know right! It's like, DUDE, use some shampoo PLEASE!" Sirius Black yelled much to the amusement of his fellow Gryffindor peers.

It was Autumn in Hogwarts and everyone had finally settled into their usual routines for another year. Unfortunately, the Marauders routine included making fun of Severus Snape on a daily basis in the Gryffindor common room.

"Yeah! I mean really. How hard is it to shower, rub some nice smellin' goop on your head, wait 2 minutes, then wash it out?" Peter chimed in.

"Exactly! He really has no excuse to have such incredibly greasy-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you, Potter." Ah, here is the hero of our story. Lily Evans!

"And why is that, Evans?"

James Potter looked over at the red headed girl whom he fancied since first year. What with her long wavy hair up in a ponytail and her pale skin with an assortment of freckles occasionally, not to mention her bright green eyes, she was indeed beautiful.

"James, really. She and Severus are best friends if you hadn't noticed. And no one likes to hear their friends talked about in a negative way."

The quiet voice of Remus Lupin came from behind a large book somewhere by the fireplace. He looked over the book to glance at his friend in an amused sort of way (because what he usually has to explain to him is obvious as hell) but then returned his gaze to his book. He was very shy, and by now everyone in the common room was listening to the newest edition of Potter Vs. Evans: The Fight That Never Seems to End. It was a daily routine and rather amusing.

"Thank you Remus. That's of course true. And it especially applies when they're saying something that isn't true." She glared at James, daring him to ask what she meant. And he did, because he's rather stupid if you haven't noticed.

"What do you mean?" James sounded

She sighed. "What I mean is this: Have you ever actually felt his hair? Do you really even know if it's greasy? Do you have any proof of this even though you make fun of him for it constantly? NO! I'll have you know that I have felt his hair and it is anything but greasy. It's very soft. Have you ever considered that it only looks greasy because it's black? (1) Or that maybe we don't exactly have the best lighting in this castle so it just appears greasy? No, of course not. You just torment him based on assumptions. Real smooth, you Prat. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to the library." She tossed her ponytail as she grabbed her bag and swiftly left through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Bloody hell mate." Sirius said after a long silence. "You do know what this means don't you?" His tone suddenly turned serious.

"Why yes I do!" James grinned at his friends and everyone in the common room as he and Sirius drew the same conclusion.

"WE have to fell his HAIR!" They high fived each other and grabbed Remus and Peter as they too exited the Common Room… Oh dear lord, what has Lily gotten Severus into?

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"SNAAAAAAAAAPE!!!" Severus didn't turn around. He just kept walking. He of course knew who was calling him and he really didn't want a fight. But they were running and he was walking so they did catch up with him eventually.

"Severus, me boy, how do you do?" Severus sighed and turned around to look at the Marauders. There was James. He had a mop of black hair which he always ran his hands through with thin wire frame glasses. There was Sirius, He was the heart throb of the entire school. Then there was Peter… Ok, then there was Remus. He didn't really seem as horrid as the other three, but he still hung out with them so that had always landed him in Severus's list of people to hate.

"Leave me alone, idiots." Severus mumbled.

"Now now now! Don't be like that! We simply have a favor to ask of you.

"And what, pray tell, is this favor?" Snape sneered.

"Well, we were talking to Evans-"

"You mean Lily." Severus interrupted. He hated when people called Lily by her last name.

"Yeah sure, well we were talking and making fun of you of course. We said your hair was greasy. And well, she chimed in and said it wasn't. That you had really soft hair, see?"

"Yes, Potter. Make your point made, I have to go to the library." He tapped his foot impatiently.

"Listen here, we didn't believe her and the only way for us to figure out if it's true or not…" Sirius rambled on.

"They want to touch your hair, Severus." Remus smiled, thinking that this may have been their most ridiculous adventure yet.

"Pardon?" Cleary Severus hadn't heard him right.

"They want to touch your hair, Severus."

The sound Severus made sounded something along the lines of: ! (2)

And then he ran. Now, let's see. Severus was exactly, 4 feet 11 inches tall. He had very small legs. James and Sirius were both over 6 feet tall. They had very long legs. Severus didn't last long in the chase.

He was promptly tackled to the ground. When Peter showed up, out of breath and frankly out of shape (3), he joined the dog pile.

And it was as if the world stopped. Each marauder had a fist full of Severus's hair.

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"His hair… It's. So. Soft." James Potter mumbled.

"Incredible. It puts my hair to shame." Sirius looked as if he could cry. And a tear did escape him as it silently rolled down his cheek.

"Severus, it really is amazing.. What IS your secret?" Remus looked delighted at something knew to study and learn about even if it was hair care products.

"Yeah what they said!" Peter of course has no originality whatsoever.

"Erm.. I um.." Severus looked taken aback. What was with them? Had they been hexed or something? "

"With hair like this, hr should be a marauder!" James yelled It loud enough for the entire school to hear.

"I agree!" Sirius beamed.

"Shall we vote? emus looked as excited as the others.

"Vote we shall, Moony! Vote. We. Shall." James swiftly answered.

"All in favor of making Severus a marauder say: I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good!"

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good!"

"Alright it's settled, you, Severus Snape are now a marauder." Sirius patted him on the back.

"Don't I have a say in this.. At all?"

"Nope."

And with that, they dragged Sev into the Great Hall, to show everyone their new friend.

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A/N- k, Let me explain before anyone flames me. It is 3 am here in Germany and I'm sleep deprived. This idea popped into my head and well I couldn't resist. ; ) Here are the author's notes from the story:

1- This is in no way meant to offend someone with black or dark hair. I don't want people to think that dark hair looks greasy or something. I for one, love dark hair. : )

2- My original sound word. :P I'm quite proud of it even if I came up with it by mashing a bunch of keys on this computer with caps lock on. And it's there because Snape is surprised, and somewhat disgusted.

3- I hate Peter very much. I don't think he has any fans. So, picture him and Severus switching places, as Peter goes to the dark side, Sev comes to the light. :D

So yeah, please Review! I would really appreciate it. I love them. : )


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